From her own hell

Day to day I live my life
a woman living the dream
living in paradise
What more could a girl want

Night to night I show my soul
a woman trapped in a nightmare
surviving a hell
So much more a girl could want

No one sees the tears
No one hears the hurt
The pain bursting from my seams
invisible to the naked eye

So many times have I put on a facade
So many times have I giving a smile
So many times have I lied
So many times have I wanted to shout
and scream
and cry
and fall and fall and fall

In the depths of my intestines does it churn
The bile rising in my throat
I am not well
How do you not see me
How do you not see a sick girl
A sick, disgusting, desperate girl
wanting to be set free from the torment

From her own hell

Make Your Choice

"Every action you take is an expression of the choice you have made about the effect you want to have on the world.  " - Constance Dembrowsky

     I first read this quote sitting on the toilet in a friends house, the quote was pinned on the wall next to the mirror. And I have a picture to prove it. The first thing that came to mind was " That's some deep shit." No pun intended.  Regardless, it had an impact on the rest of my day.  What effect did I want to have on the world? My actions expressed the choice I had already made. Now mind you most the time I just go with the flow and let what ever happens happens. But some how knowing that my actions effected the world, the world! Or even not just knowing but the thought that maybe or hypothetically the WHOLE WORLD  would be effected by the decisions that I made every day. Like the universe would take notes and act accordingly, really makes you pause and think about the next thing your going to say or do or how your going to address a situation.  Now some people would say well that's "god talk." Maybe it is. Maybe its not. But I can say it made me a better person, more considerate and self aware. I want to leave this world a better place. Not just for when I'm gone but now. I want tomorrow to be better for someone else because of me. Today, tomorrow, a week from now, hell 10 years from now. 10 min. from now. What can I do or say to make this world a better place? Little things; holding the door open for someone, saying please and thank you, paying for someones drink at Starbucks. Hell I don't know there are a million things to do. Don't get me wrong sometimes I say F U to the universe and do what I want to do because I want to do it dang it! FREE WILL and FREEDOM OF SPEECH and all that stuff. You know how it is. Anyway. I'm ranting. Thought of the day, or night, depending on the time it is, Let me know....how will you express the choice you have made about the effect you want to have on the world?


Peace and Love,
Ladi Soul